Fan fic by Veze

Ok here is a link to where my fan fic in progress is. its one of my first attempts at creative writing, but I welcome strong critiques on it. I had to put it off for a while because of school and work, but now that its summer I plan to start again with weekly updates.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/20300/My-Little-Pony%3A-Friendship-is-Eternal

I am "watching" you on FimFiction, and i put a watch later thing on your fic, since i have about 10 to read first, but from the glance i had it seemed pretty good

I did one really bad fic focused on fluttershy before...did not work out at all and I hunted down every place on the internet it was and had it removed...then I started a 2nd fic...which was actually the same story, got to page 15 and I stopped, the style was horrible of how i was writing it. then I restarted it with the link I have above. its still simple and sloppy as far as the style of writing goes...my plot idea is amazing...just I cant write well

also, I plan for it to be somewhere around 70 pages when I finish it entirely.

I also need to learn to scroll down and see there is a better place for this thread, can someone move it to the proper folder please? sorry about that

Moved, and try not to double post all the time, it looks messy