First chapter (rough)

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First chapter (rough)

Post  Lo'mesh@firebolt on Mon Apr 02, 2012 6:51 pm

Stranger new Worlds.
Multiple colored beams, and orbs of light traveled between two fleets of ships, one side are black hulks shaped like cubes, spheres, with green glowing lights at random places. The other fleet made of many ships some small some large each one sharing the bright gray white hulls and the purple horse head fleet icon these ships belong to the 8th M.A.C.O assault fleet, the Anti Borg Fleet having orders to stop the Borg at any turn and keep the Alpha quadrant safe alongside the there once allies of the Klingon Empire the Klingon Honor Guard. The two empires dispite being embroiled in a bitter war recognize the threat of the Borg and join their elite forces into Omega force.
Leading the nine ships is Admiral Thale In his Odyssey Class flagship “SIR INCOMING PLASMA TORPEDO BARRAGE TIME TO IMPACT TEN SECONDS!” the Caitain reponse “ALL HANDS BRACE FOR IMPACT!” The bridge crew grabbing there consoles as multiple bright green orbs explode around the ships inside of his Star Cruiser the U.S.S Benevolence Captain Lo’Mesh looked over the stats “Captain multiple Plasma fires on the hulls of the Clydesdale, Sun strider, Tucson, and the Chelyabinsk” the Bajoran yelled over the shaking, “Target Hazard Emitters on those fires Put them out now, Prepare to fire our phase Polaron arrays on the cube Barring 054 mark 065!” the Tactical Officer entering targeting, as multiple purple beams lance out hitting the cube as the shields failed the purple beams drain power from the cube lessening the weapons power and cube’s ability to recharge shields. “WE ARE THE BORG, RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.” thousands of voices echo though out the comlinks “LOWER YOUR SHIELDS AND PREPARE FOR ASTIMULATION.” The two escorts swiftly traveled over the long hulls of the star cruisers fire their weapons and torpedoes as the cruisers lunch there high yield torpedo the bright blue white torpedoes impacting a large cube blowing out chucks of the cyborg’s ship as jets of green gas escape, if there was sound in space everyone can hear the groan of metal being force apart by the force of the blast of torpedoes, the Cube in on last flash of Green light the cube explode in half, a speeding sphere was crush by one of dying hulks of the cube.
In a Dreadnaught Class Cruiser the refitted Galaxy class, having a orange glow travel up the spine of the ship until a thick deep orange beam impacted a sphere and came out the other side of the sphere and rushed into another. The first sphere going up in a emerald fireball as the Captain smiled in her chair the pale Humanoid looking over the sight “that ball got plowed” with a smirk on her cheek, “Now be a dear and target that probe with our tetyron arrays.” The Tactical officer nods “Yes Captain Tia” Turning as her ship fire Blue Beams lancing out along the probe’s hull. “Fire all Disruptors on that sphere!” Green beams lance out along the hull, Toki’s name was odd dated back to an ancient Earth ‘Death Metal’ band so the fleet given him a nickname of ‘Toki Wartooth’ “Fire Plasma Torpedoes.” As green orbs fire out and explode over there halls as Plasma erupted over the black hull.

“SIR UNKNOWN CONTACT IN ORBIT AROUND THE SYSTEM’S STAR IT’S….. IT’S PULLING OF PLASMA FROM THE STAR, IT’S COLLAPSING THE STAR.” Thale Brought up 4 ships captains, “Sol’es, Reree, Toki, Lo’Mesh get your ships Alongside that station and send in boarding teams to succure and and shut off that plasma drain. “SIR YES SIR!” the 3 star cruisers and the refit Excelsior turning and heading for the borg Station, as they fire there beam weapons as shields flare, as the four ships continue to fire “Shields are down.” All four captains yelled “LUNACH BOARDING PARITES!” Multiple Hangers open on each ship as shuttles flew out indie M.A.C.O Marine are arming there Phaser rifles, and equipping their chosen Kits “Our orders are simple we are to infiltrate that station reach its computer and power sources, plant Spatial Charges and once we downloaded it’s files blow it back to the delta quadrant.” Weaving around plasma beams as a shuttle was lanced by a plasma beam blowing up causing the others to weave around debris.

Attaching to the hull and cutting into it the M.A.C.O soldiers rush in the silver armor now gleaming green of the borg interior, as they jog along the corridors to the and splitting off as one place a Tricorder along a disibution node, the device absorbing data as a pair attach a set of charges hearing the hiss of the seals attaching to the computer banks. “Charges set.” As another said “At 67%” “WARNING, INTRUDERS DETECTED AT MAIN COMPUTER CORE, UNALUTHORIZED ACCESS TO MAIN COMPUTER CORE DETECTED, PUT DOWN RESISTANCE, WHAT WE CAN NOT ASTIMULATE WE SHALL DESTROY.” Green sparkle energy the tall tell sign of borg Transporters as Tactical Drone raised their prosthetic arms, firing into the group of Marines as they drove for cover as green bolts flew by, beams of phased energy return as shield flare as a drone fire a spray of plasma bolts as a M.A.C.O was hit by a overcharge bolt flying back and hitting a wall a small circle open up and a blue light blinking, as an emergency transport beam him out and into his mother ships sickbay, “89% keep them busy.” As a click was heard and a ball landed beside a tactical drone, it look down at it her bionic implant zoomed in on it ‘FEDERATION PROTON GRENADE CLASS 5 THREAT NEUTRIZED’ as it reach down for it detonated sending the drone flying as another was knocked over the railing from the concessive force of the blast shooting plasma bolts as it fell. “100% activate charges and emergency transporters” The M.A.C.Os each grabbing a circular item as they disappear in the sparkling blue energy. An engineering drone walked up to a charge ‘Scaning federation spatial charge neutralized threat.’ It reach down and stick it nanite injectors into the bomb as it click and detonated the charges blowing the station apart.
The nine captains cheer as it fell into the sun. “Sir we was too late the star…. It’s collapsing into a singularity.” Thale yelled “Everyone haul ass get your ships out of here!” All the ships shunted all their energy to their impulse engines, trying to turn and start to head away “Captain we are caught in the gravity we can’t escape we can’t even go to wrap!” Travis was at his ship science station “Can we inverse our shield polarity to negate the effects of the gravity?” Over on the Benevolence Lo’mesh’s viewscreen was looking to the dark depths of the singularity “By the Prophets” “Sir we found a borg shield harmonic for safely surviving the gravity!” Looking over the pad “Hurry get this shield harmonic to the other ships at least we’ll survive where ever we’ll end up!” as the engineering team work to send the info to the other ships and change their shield frequency, to the borg specs. Thale Looking over the info “All ships Put this shield frequency into effect!” Captain Tia look over the info “The Little Bajaron did it, rotate to this frequency now.” Sol’es looked over the info “It’s doubtful that it work the gravity will be too strong our hulls will be pulled part, but we must make every effort to survive.” Reree looked over the info herself “Implement these changes asap.” Her crew rushing to change their harmonics, Travis Smiled “Hurry go change the frequency now I can’t wait to see if this info is true!.” Clapping his hands together. Akhauni looked it over Tossing it to her engineer “Get this into effect now!” the Andorian growled “Who would have thought it would end like this?” Ira sighed “Put these plans into effect now, and be proud of our shields.”
“SIR OUR ENGINES ARE BEING OVERTAXED!” Lo’mesh sighed “Cut engines!” The red glow on the back of his ship stop as it felling into the rainbow like singularity ‘Warning unknown energy detected’ “How can something so beautiful be so deadly?” Passing out falling out of his command chair, Travis smiled sadly “wish I had time to study this anomaly.” Passing out on his bridge, Akhauni growl “Killed by a spatial anomaly.” Falling out of her chair. Ira Growled “the shields should of held together….” Before to succumbing to the unknown energy. The 9 ships falling uncontrolled into the wide vortex the crew passed out, at their stations or on the floors blissfully unaware of where they’ll be waking up at.
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Re: First chapter (rough)

Post  Tia on Mon Apr 02, 2012 8:59 pm

Fantastic very well done. There are some small spelling errors but that's why it's a rough draft. I look forward to what comes next. Keep it up.
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Re: First chapter (rough)

Post  Shooting Star on Tue Apr 03, 2012 6:54 pm

Reading this made me happy inside Very Happy

Great job so far!

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Re: First chapter (rough)

Post  Aven-Druid on Wed Apr 04, 2012 4:04 am

Very well done. Hardly any errors, and it paints a pretty clear picture in my head of what's going on. If you should keep writing it, I'm sure everyone would read it.

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Re: First chapter (rough)

Post  Light Shine on Wed Apr 04, 2012 10:47 am

Not sure if this is how you structured it, or if the forum messed it up, but it appears as though the paragraphs need better organization. Like separating the speech from the general text.

Oh, and Thale doesn't swear, curse, or speak crudely/lewdly. You may want to fix that, and remember it for future reference.

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Re: First chapter (rough)

Post  Lo'mesh@firebolt on Wed Apr 04, 2012 3:15 pm

the fourum did it, and I'll make the changes.
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Re: First chapter (rough)

Post  Light Shine on Wed Apr 04, 2012 4:32 pm

Excellent. All in all, a good start for a first draft. I'm really curious to see how you'll balance "screen time" for all of the characters, and how we will interact with the Equestrians.

Exciting!

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Re: First chapter (rough)

Post  Dusk Wisp on Mon Apr 09, 2012 1:57 am

I've read it shortly after you posted it but I just now found something to say. I simply agree that there are the little spelling errors so I'll keep my nitpicking to myself. Its great and I can't wait to post the final product on my tumblr and ponysquare accounts.

Also, just a crazy idea I'm throwing out there. ever noticed how in both shows, star trek and my little pony, that every main character had their own "episode"? I was wondering if each of us could write, or get help to write, a chapter that is specially about our character and something happening to them. you know so the fanfic series be more like the shows themselves.
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Re: First chapter (rough)

Post  Lo'mesh@firebolt on Mon Apr 09, 2012 4:41 am

hmmm I say put this idea into effect
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Re: First chapter (rough)

Post  Caroo™ on Mon Apr 23, 2012 10:51 am

Will there be random singing? lol
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Re: First chapter (rough)

Post  Tia on Mon Apr 23, 2012 11:06 am

If we are going to be doing some individual chapters for certain characters should we start submitting expanded bios to you lo'?
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Re: First chapter (rough)

Post  Caroo™ on Wed Apr 25, 2012 1:26 pm

Is there gonna be comedic content?
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Re: First chapter (rough)

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